JustAGirl1971

Yes, Roxxxy. Forgiveness is really more for us than those we forgive. We're the ones most hurt by our anger, resentments, and the resulting bitterness. It's definitely a process though, and not something that happens over night. For me, I started by looking honestly at my own behaviors in the relationship and how they contributed to the dysfunction. This includes my lack of boundaries. I should have walked away when he became verbally abusive and I should have never attempted to have serious conversations with a drunk! Also, I did not treat him with respect... I nagged him and attempted to manipulate him into doing what I wanted him to do instead of allowing him the dignity to choose what he wanted. I did not respect his right to live life how he chooses. I won't even mention my expectations except to say that they are crazy (not all of them, I mean 'get a job' doesn't seem so crazy to me, lol.) Now that I see my own dysfunctional behavior clearly, I can see how it contributed to the dysfunction in our marriage. Being honest about my own behavior is really letting a lot of the steam out of the sails as far as my anger towards him goes.

Now, I'm working on accepting us both as we are, faults and failures included. I'm still working on that. I'm hoping once I've finished with that, I will be able to release all of my anger and forgive both of us.

Last thing I wanted to say about forgiveness is that just because we forgive someone does not mean we have to allow that person access to us. We can forgive them and move on. For me, forgiveness is mandatory because I do not want bitterness in my life; however, reconciliation is optional. I do not have to have a relationship with the people I forgive, but I do need to forgive.