Lost
Greetings dear readers. I have lurked here many months until registering and decided to jump in feet first. I guess I should give some background, but I'll try not to write a novel.
In 2006 I lost my Mother, she was the only family I had left. I was in my forties then , was divorced and moved back in with her. She had a serious heart condition that kept us on edge every day that rolled around. On December 25, 2005 my Mom had her 81st birthday and by New Year's Day she had passed away from a blood clot. I had no one. Well I had some friends, but no family. She was my world, my reason for living. The fire that warmed my heart.
After her funeral me and my cats would just sit. I wouldn't eat. I lost weight until I was truly too thin. And then I bought a bottle of wine. I'd have one or two glasses and that'd be it for a few days. It wasn't a recurrent thing. At that time anyway. A month later I met a man. Within six months I had done all those things people tell you not to do after a tragedy. I quit my job. I moved from my city into the country. I sold my house. After he and I got married I became a piece of furniture. I had never known such indifference before. I saw him maybe thirty minutes a day and we were supposedly in the honeymoon stage.
That was when I began to drink in earnest. In the morning. Sometimes at lunch. Always in the evening. Every day. Wine kept me company. Wine watched TV with me. Wine tucked me in at night when there was no one else. I was alone in this new marriage and felt as if there had been another death. And to be honest I drank before work. I'd buy wine on my lunch hour to have it when I got home. But of course all that escalated over time.
It's now seven years later and I am lost. I now acknowledge I have a problem. I know I need to stop. Two years ago I got hooked on Opiates for pain and drank at the same time. I'm lucky I'm not dead from 'chasing the dragon', as they say. There are no words to describe an opiate addiction. I only know I haven't drank in a mere two days and already I am feeling like I'm in an opiate withdrawal haze. It's awful. I know if I can beat the pain killers I can beat this....I hope.
But I suppose I just needed some folks with like issues to talk to and draw from your strength. Well anyway, bless you if you read this and respond.
Truedark