2muchpain, please don't feel hopeless. I just relapsed on Saturday and also felt like a hypocrite being here but know it is the help I need, you will NEVER come across a more caring, sincere, selfless group of people as on SR - I have found this out.
I can feel your pain in your messages, how much you don't want to drink. Post every hour if you need to, there is always someone here to listen, and though you may not believe it care how YOU are. From one person struggling with drinking to another, let's walk this journey together. Let us know how you are,