You are at the point where this site is exaclty what you DO need. PLease stick around, You are not a hypocrite or disrespectful.This forum is for supporting people who want to stop drinking-you want to stop drinking so we can help you.
Have you read Rational Recovery/AVRT? I think you will relate to it very well,just from the way your post is written. Maybe google it and have a look at the website and then get the book. I would recommend it.
Maybe join the February class too.
Very few of us get sober as soon as we join SR. I first joined in Jan 2012 under another name-it took me nearly 12 months to get sober for the last time. Please don't give up