Today I felt badly when my girlfriend, trying to cheer me up, reacted in a disappointed sort of way to me.
I was expressing how I feel overwhelmed and exhausted and over-committed and that some of the things I value and enjoy just don't seem fun and everywhere I turn seems to be a pile of more 'stuff' to attend to....
Now, granted; yesterday I really didn't feel this way. Had a nice, enjoyable, fun day though it was filled from well before sunup until 11pm.
Yet today... I just woke feeling kinda glum and blah and crummy. I will focus on the positive and I will make a little gratitude list and I will soldier on and I'm sure I'll feel better because these things pass....
But I guess maybe here at day 50 - I'm just a bit depressed. Can't be positive all the time. Need to let it out. Yet I feel a little like I'm a disappointment when I let it out and express it. Maybe I'm not aware of how that makes others feel.... maybe I need to keep it a little more toned down.... but I feel like if I do that, I'm internalizing it and that puts me in danger of leading toward old habits and undermining my sobriety.
What is this ramble about? I'm not sure... but perhaps what I'm after here is to just get it off my chest and ask others who may have felt this way - how do you balance the need to express these 'downswings' and not let them eat at you, with the need to move on and be positive and not drag others' moods down with you?
I'm not gonna drink over it. I'm not gonna let it totally twist me up.... but I want to talk about it, get it out, be heard without being a downer by others who maybe understand.
Thanks
