Letyougo

Hi everyone. I'm posting here because I'm at my wits end with my feelings about my AEB. I will spare you all the details of the relationship, the way it ended, etc but just know that I FINALLY walked away from what was an emotionally abusive relationship with an alcoholic where I lost myself almost completely. Knowing that I made the right choice for my life, I am STILL struggling with these feelings of missing him, wondering what he's doing, how he could hurt me so badly and not truly be sorry...I'm hundreds of miles away from him where I know NOBODY and you would think it would be easier to start over and forget him and our unhealthy relationship...yet here I sit on a Saturday night, posting on a sober recovery forum instead of doing something fun...

I have been off and on with this man for over two years. I have left before but this time, I'm really going to stay away. I know I have to for my own sanity. He has reached out twice via text message since I broke up with him but it's been a month now since he's said anything. Why does that bother me? I didn't respond to his texts and yet I still want him to say something. I want him to have the capacity to genuinely realize how terribly he has treated me. I want him to be sorry...

And yes, part of me does wish he would actually change. I know that's wishful thinking and not healthy. It's hard for me to believe I would have wasted so much time on someone who honestly doesn't care about me...can an alcoholic care about someone?

Please help me.