You do have friends even though you don't know us in a typical way. I feel like all of the people on this board are my friends. I hope you feel the same. It is terrifying to feel alone (at least it is to me). How about going to the ER? You won't be able to drink there and just the distance from alcohol might help. Or, can you call the local AA number and get someone to sit with you or take you to a meeting? I know the pain and it is horrible. I am sorry you are in the midst of it but it can pass. I'll be thinking about you as I know others will.