Originally Posted by
m1k3 
To heal completely I have to let go. Not sure how I'll do this
Do you pray? It sounds like over time, you've come to a significant awareness of your powerlessness over this, which is admirable and something to be proud of.
For me, recognizing powerlessness is where admitting that a power greater than myself could help me to let go. I didn't have to carry guilt or responsibility because the loving God of my understanding would carry the burden for me. So prayer was and still is incredibly freeing for me. In the moments I have those thoughts of burden in my head/heart, it helps to send up that prayer. To just turn it over and say "It's yours, not mine, do with it what you will, God. Thank you." The healing is gradual but I work with the baby steps and the relief that it gives me in that moment.