Thank you for that post Ofelie. You're so right. Not hearing from him felt like the hardest thing ever... until I did hear from him again. It made not hearing from him seem a whole lot easier. I feel like I'm starting all over with everything again because I caved and talked to him. I shouldn't have. It's changed nothing, but it certainly did make the hurt a little deeper and set me back a few steps. He begged, pleaded, cried... but never once said he'd get the help he needs. I can't fix him. I can't fix him. He doesn't want to be fixed. He wants an emotional punching bag, a mommy and someone to clean up the messes he makes. I've helped him to be unaccountable for his actions. I let him treat me horribly and felt bad because he felt bad for doing it, so always said it was fine. I wasn't fine. It's not fine. You don't treat another human being like that. Especially one that you're supposed to love and care about.
When you love someone, you try to protect them from being hurt. If they do get hurt, you're there to help them through it. You don't cause it and then manipulate them enough so that in the end, they're apologizing for the hurt you've caused them.
Ok... feeling a bit stronger today. I needed to read what you wrote today Ofelie. You are so, so right. No contact is hard, but not nearly as hard as contact.