That sticking point
So I've been reading a lot on here. I've been a member for about 4 years now. On and off I've read these forums, more often than not, especially recently.
Not long ago I read a thread about 'where do these people go that sign up and post then leave?'. Well I'm one of those lurkers, although I did spill my story back a while ago (check my name to have a look if curious)
Well, to fast forward: After four years, things have improved. Yet, I've battled the same problems all alcoholics have. For four years I've told myself constantly that binge drinking on the weekends is ok, or enjoying a few too many every fortnight is ok.
Unfortunately, I'm starting to realise I have no control over it. I've told myself so many times I can at least wait a month until a binge drinking session. Unfortunately that lasts less that 7 days. Maybe 14 at best. Yet it's always living in anticipation of that day. And if I happen to drink on an occasion and not get plastered...well I'm so happy I think I've 'conquered' it.
In the time since my last post, I've found my biological mother, she's in prison for DUI (and incidentally thinks once she gets out, she'll have a few because 'she doesn't have a problem'), I've mostly finished a teaching/arts double degree, and have commenced an electrical engineering/mathematics double degree. I'm trying.
I guess my main reason for posting is that I've realised I can't just have one. And to thank everyone here for speaking out. You've all helped me at sometime or other. Unfortunately my girlfriend at the moment is great, but alcoholism runs in her genes too, so she's already passed out.
I'll start again tommorow, as many do, reconsidering all I have in life, and what I have to lose to start again. I may post again, or may not. Please just know I visit this site often, and I thank you all, again, for your openness.