Originally Posted by
Damaged2 
Mostly I'm terrified about the damage already done to our kids. They are 14 and 16. Are they doomed to repeat these patterns? I know you all will say that I didn't cause this and I don't have control over it but shouldn't I have some responsibility for the outcomes? And if I have responsibility, then shouldn't I have some control? I know I can't fix everything or keep my kids from feeling any pain (already failed miserably at that)...I just thought that I had made a life for my children that was better than the life I had. Well, they won't have my issues but it seems I've created some new ones.
I've seen myself as "successful" because I thought I broke the cycle of what my mother created and yet, here I am, just like her. So is my daughter doomed, too? No matter how much therapy you get and how many choices you make, are you just doomed to forever in history repeat the cycles of your ancestors?
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These are questions I've asked myself, too. We have 3 children. Our 2 youngest are about your children's ages (14 & 15.) I do feel responsible for the dysfunction they've lived with and the scars they have as a result of it. I can directly see where my actions impacted them detrimentally. I should have sought help sooner and should have asked him to leave sooner. All I can do now though is make amends to my children and provide them with a safer, more secure, healthier, & happier home going forward. That's what I intend to do.
Also, my kids are in counseling. I am assuming that it's helping them because they mostly don't resist going and they always seem happier afterward. I am still trying to convince them to give alateen or The Landing a try (Celebrate Recovery's version of alateen.) I fully anticipate that counseling will be a long-term thing... not just a few months. I can only hope by addressing the issues now, my children will be healthier and choose more wisely than I did.