Numb to life
Hi all,
I haven't been on here for a while & I see that I really need to be. I read some of my earlier, desperate, hurt, angry posts & wonder where all that emtion has gone. I'm exhausted now. I'm numb.
My husband is still an iv meth user & may always be one. He has no desire to give up. He lives part time with his meth mates & comes home for a few nights - only when he has no money & needs a safe house to rest & eat. He is a monster. He doesnt help with the kids. he eats sleeps eats sleeps and argues. thats it! He argues with me over nothing. I don't even bother arguing back anymore but that will get him fired up to. He gets nasty generally on day 3 when he is craving. What's the point.
Why do I let him in you ask? Well often he comes when he knows our 5yr old is awake & home to open the door. Otherwise he will bash the house down (& in) if I don't let him in. I don't believe the police will make it in time when he breaks in and I'm scared so I let him in & put up with it.
I've spoken to the police.
My mom is worried this crazy life has become normal to me. Perhaps it has. I'm desperately trying to find a new job in the same city as my family so me and the children can move. We are so isolated here. It's proving alot harder than expected to find work. In the meantime I'm about to start 3 days a week here whilst I job hunt. I'm desperate for cash. He spends every cent on drugs.
How do I break out of this terrible cycle?? I'm hoping going back to work with normal people will push me back into reality & get some confidence back. Currently, I am just wasting my life.