What you wrote was like you were pulling the thoughts right out of my head. My mind knows what I am dealing with, my heart feels different. He too got arrested, for violating my restraining order. When I went to pick up his truck, I found a bag of crack. I have never seen a hard drug in my life, and there I was holding it in my hands.
My job as a mother is to protect my children, yet I never thought I would have to protect them from their father.
I am terrified of the unknown, we have no stability and this is no way to live for me or my kids.
So when my thoughts tend to go to the love/feel bad for him side, I am trying to remind myself of that fact. If I do not hold strong to the decisions I have made we at at risk of stepping backwards down the road to the path of a better life.
If my AH finds his way in the meantime I can revaluate then. But for now, life with an addict is no life. And you and your children deserve a great one!
Stay Strong!!