Mountainmanbob, I needed to read this this morning. I was drowning in a sea of sober self-pity and your post was a slap upside the head.
Have I forgotten how very fortunate I am to have another chance at this? Just last Friday a fellow traveler (a good friend in sobriety) lost her life to this dis-ease. She had stayed sober even as I relapsed, and I often got emails from her about our shared home group in AA; she put together 5 years and I hadn't heard from her recently (I just got 4 months, again).
Apparently she had relapsed very badly, and despite the efforts of friends and family she drank and drugged her way to her too-early death (she was 44).
My self-pity is nothing more than my blaming others for what I have done to myself. I really need to remember that today.