Here I am again, suffering another withdrawl/side effect of the drugs iv'e taken. I am an alcoholic but switched to drugs the past few months- smart me. Thats the sick addict in me. Ive been talkin 8 pain pills a night for about 4 nights. I told myself and my gf that it was my last time for as long as i can go without. Ive said that twice this past month. When I do get sober, I want it. I like being sober, its what I need. . But I always start using again. So at this point i'm thinking ''why try anymore?'' im just going to keep relapsing over and over and over the way ive been doing for 6 years. Then I think of my mom, who died of addiction. she died when i was 14. . But yesterday I started to remember that I saw and read her wills years and years before she passed. Shed share them with me. I was 8-10 so I didint know it wasnt normal. She must have known she was dieing years before she died. I dont want that to happen to me. I can't stop. I can go a few months, but always go back to drinking or using drugs. Ive tryed evertyhing, here, chat, fourm, aa. . It didnt work. There is no where eles to get strength. I have been sober a year in the past so I know i can possibly do it. But ive been failing so much this past 4 months, I dont think there is a change for me so im thinking about not trying to get sober again. Just because I dont think im able to obtain sobriety anymore.
Please help, give advise, anything. If i have a change, tell me, if youve been where i am and have more than a year now, tell me. Im praying for myself and am not even religous much. Thanks so much for reading.