when will I stop doing this to myelf?
don't know what is wrong with my case. many people have said the same thing, but I could swear I have tried about everything.
I have posted on this forum many times, and many times encouraging new comers or relapsers and telling them how I have been there and that there's always a solution, that they will make it.
I can not do that anymore, since I myself am still in the rut.
I have been in AA in and out for years, I have finally gotten Rational recovery the book and reading it for the second time(loved it) by the way.
I pray everyday. I use every and all the tool, yet I drunk twice in a matter of 2 weeks. and when I say drank, I mean heavy duty drinking with heavy duty consequences. someone might say, you should stick to one program and follow it, I did that, you would say try everything, I also did that.
If I am posting here is that I am already feeling a bit better, because after I screw up, I blame myelf of course first and then I blame God, AA, AVRT....I tell myself none of it works or maybe there' something else wrong with me.
oh yes, I alo see a Psychiatrist, I was at a psych ward a month ago and got out of rehab couple of week ago.
A of today I am Ok. I am back here typing my frutration away Again, praying Again(know this is a secular thread), will finish AVRT book for the secong time Again, will talk to my AA sponsor Again. when will this stop? I am not new at this recovery thing. If you read this whole thing, I thank you for your time. I had to write my frustration out here, where else can I do it. just doing this make me feel that I am back to being the sober me. Thank you