Damaged,
I just wanted to post to you so you would know you are not alone. I too, married an Irishman. He is my XAH now but he is an Irish Police Officer to boot. I look back now and am amazed that I was not able to see what was inevitably coming in our lives. His father was an alcoholic also. All my in-laws had a million stories about how hard it was growing up with my father in law. My mother in law fled Ireland and moved in with us to get herself and the youngest son away from that life. Did I once think that might be a genetic issue and I may need to worry about how my husband at the time might turn out later. Nope. I just felt bad for the little boy who grew up in that environment. I was in my early twenties and very in love.
I have heard my XAH talking to my sons the same way as your husband. How he was treating the boys was the final straw for me. I think I could have lived with the abuse longer but one day I just woke up and realized that I did not want my boys to have to grow up like that for a day longer.
I understand the cultural differences. At one time I found them endearing. It is hard how forgiving the Irish are when alcohol is involved.
I wish you the best.
4MyBoys