It's the thought of "coulda been". What would life have been like if he coulda and woulda done, had he been sober. It's the potential we see in them, that they themselves can't, won't or refuse to see....the better, actually living and self-driving person we truly deserve and know that we know that we know they are, somewhere in there. And if he would just come out........but alas, drink first, as usual.
My AH actually did the sweet, loving, romantic things that all women want, for the first few years. (He rarely drank back then). So what gets me is that I know who he is, the "real" him, the sober him, the let's get this done him and all that's gone...beer is first now and nothing else matters. Separation gonna help? Who knows, but it's helping me and the kids. But I still have the hope that my real husband will be set free and sent back to me, should he so choose to get sober.
To what coulda been, but what's gonna be.........
