Yeh I didn't realise it was so hard.
Someone mention it gets harder to quit each time. I started noticing that. It was really clearly a general pattern towards the last time will not be one I can pull out of it.
But is stranger than I thought. The brain is a little confused about me, doesnt know if I am serious or not. My immune-system is going ahead full schedule but I can still hear my workers bitching about me. "He will go back. You know this is all wasted time. I say we all quit.".
The others are saying, "I give him one last chance. This is the last time I do this work all over again. Next time I am striking ,he can drop dead for all I care, I would rather be eaten by a worm than work for this guy."