Damaged2

Short answer: Not yet
Longer answer: It's all I've been thinking about lately. Therapy should be easy. I have a trusted therapist. Al Anon - I've googled locations but to actually go is to really admit that there's a problem.

I feel like I've been grieving for so long and I'm not quite ready to open the door to more grief. Grief for what might have been. Grief for what I've already allowed to happen.

When our son was in 3rd grade he had a dream that his father was shooting him with a machine gun and I just stood by watching. My husband has always been extremely hard on our son - who is a good, sweet boy. We fight about it a lot. Husband accuses me of sabotaging him when he's trying to "discipline" our boy (not physically - but words can be just as damaging). Accuses me of talking to him like he's a child. But he sometimes acts like a child! He gets into power struggles with our son over nothing! And I refuse to stand by and let him berate and belittle our son. He accuses me of babying him - will start singing Pink Floyd: "Mamma's gonna pick all your girlfriends for you. Mamma's gonna keep baby cozy and warm." He means it to be funny but it hurts.

My sister-in-law came to visit several years ago and she and my husband got into a huge fight. She said that our family revolved around him - what he wanted to do. At the time I sided with her. A huge rift opened between them and I haven't really seen her since. She and I and a group of other women used to do a camping trip every-other-year. 2006 was the last time.

I realize now how isolated I've become. I've always been introverted - and so has my husband - so I've chalked it up to that. But no one ever comes over! (No adults anyway, the kids have friends over a lot, which I choose to see as a good sign.) I don't really have any friends. What a strange realization to come to at age 46.