Hello Cricket,
First I detached on the drinking. A sea of beer went through here. I informed my A I would not buy it. I did not understand addiction although I knew he was a functional A. Maybe it was a good thing I didn't grasp addiction then.
Really some of my first changes for me came about at work. I would recognize patterns of behavior and my role. I started letting go. I stopped voicing my opinion - especially if I had given it before! I detached from a micromanager boss when I realized he treated everyone as clueless idiots and only he was capable. I started to tell him we did not have to always act. Some problems resolve with no intervention! I realized I could do a good job and only I noticed the overkill of perfection. I stopped the perfection effort.
I found Codependent No More so gripping I just started reading it over. I highlighted the heck out of sections that spoke to me. I journaled using some of the questions in the book.
I had a lot of anger that I was 'the codependent.' Initially I wanted my 'qualifier' to keep all of the mess. I wanted him to have all the blame. But really if I don't like being codependent, enabling really makes me gnash my teeth! I will always be a doer, a fixer, a people-pleaser. But just keeping my mouth shut and letting my mind mull things over helps me overcome my natural inclination in some cases.
Be patient. It isn't a perfect process.