So I messed up and am drinking again. Who the hell cares, really. This site is great as far as connecting with people, but there is nobody knocking on my door or calling me. I have tried to make this happen, but no change. I have shared at meetings, and almost begged people to pay attention to me, but ended up with nothing. I am a decent person, that has always put others' interests before mine, so I don't get this. I am not asking for much; a simple phone call to say hi or a knock on the door. I have bent over backwards to help people, and I don't regret this at all. I did the right thing. I'm thinking a trip to the ER would be a blessing, because the people there would show some kind of concern. It's a shame that you have to pay people to pretend they care. I went to an AA meeting today. If I expressed my concerns, all I would get is what I have heard before. Go to more meetings, get a sponser, read the big or the 12xt12 book. Connect with your spirituality. Volunteer for this or that. Been there and done that many times, only to end up in my apartment alone. Nobody cares. and nobody calls. All I am asking is for someone to do something to show they care. A simple phone call from someone asking how I am doing would make my day. ONE PERSON IS ALL IT WOULD TAKE. I would be one of the first people at an AA meeting to help people who need help. Not any more. All they want is what I have to offer. Helping me out is the last thing on their mind. Go to a meeting, and whip out a cigarette, and you have tons of "friends" asking for a smoke. Loan someone money, and you have tons of people that think you are a great person.
Unfortunately, you have to pay people to show interest in you. Unfortunately, alcohol and drugs are things you can count on. They tell you what you can expect and that's what you get. You can count on drugs/alcohol to do what they say they are going to do. Try that with people.
Drugs and alcohol are predicable, people are not. So which is worse, dieing from disappointments and the pain
I am not looking for an answer to this post, because there is no answer. I'm just a person in the water reaching for a liferaft like everybody else.
Now, I will reach for my next beer and a vodka chaser and call it a day and pray to my higher power that I don't wake up. If I do, it is only because this beast is not done with me yet.
from people, or dieing from alchohol/drugs