This is my delemna too. I have a lot of embarrassing, shameful memories of drunken behavior that keep cropping up. The only thing I can do is label my feelings about this past behavior, talk and write about them and get through to the other side. It always passes. The feelings will surface again at times. I remind myself that there is nothing that a drink or drug won't make worse and I will never have a chance of feeling better about myself and my situation if I drink. Patience and acceptance. Hang tough!