My husband was 10 days sober going into 4 weeks inpatient treatment; now about 50 days sober. (woohoo! didn't realize that until just now. All small celebrations are allowable.
) He was also compliant during rehab, but had a lot of internal anger when back home. PAWS and having to adjust to life without alcohol being his crutch. My only way to support him during that was to give wide berth and go about my life as normal as possible. Just as there is no reasoning with a drunk, he was a dry drunk and I can't reason with that either. It is getting better, but taking quite a bit of time. Still a daily thing, but much less frequent and less intense. This is a man who's known to be easy going, but has been burying his emotions for many years and letting things build up inside.
Going to Alanon is critical for me. Walk away when you need to and stand up for yourself when you need to. The communication exercises we did at family week in rehab were greatly needed. One thing that he took with him and I've adapted well is: you can either be happy or be right. When he temporarily forgets that, I let it go. Funny how many little things I've let go the past few weeks. I can't remember any of them - they didn't matter. There have been a few times where I needed to speak up and was able to. Figuring out when to speak reality or not is hard for me. Mostly letting it go. Slow learning on it all, but working at it. Baby steps are fine.
If he is yelling, definitely let him know it's not acceptable and walk away from it.
I really can relate. We've been married 27 years and it's been hard for me to stay with him during this part of it. He's the only one who can take care of his sobriety - whether or not I'm here has nothing to do with that; I also need to protect my own recovery. I'm still here, but if there wasn't improvement (and isn't continued improvement) I reserve the right to leave for whatever time period I need to.