My audience? The world. Why? Because I'm very self conscious. I seek approval from everyone, everywhere I go. (I'm aware that this is weird, I'm trying to figure it out so I don't pass it to my kids.) Why? Because I have issues. It's why I see a counselor, its probably why I'm married to a man with his own mixed bag of issues. Where does this voice come from? I'm still trying to figure that part out. I'm very much a work in progress but I am very aware that I have things I need to work on. That was kind of the whole point of this post. But this stuff apparently happens gradually (super frustrating) and I'd like the path to emotional health to be both linear and expedient.
I'm glad you have one handbag, that is probably the healthy way to live! I have many. I have Louis Vuitton bags, Chanel sunglasses, and too many shoes and clothes to even fit in my closet. I'm aware that I'm compensating with my stuff but its what I know. This is how I make myself feel good and this is how I show the rest of the world that I'm just as good as they are too because honestly I don't feel like I am. I don't feel like I belong and I'm constantly trying to prove to everyone and myself that I do.