I hope you do stick with it, because I know how you feel, but it is really worth it.
I went to my first and at no one was there. I didn't even know exactly where to go once I got to the building! And I was already emotional with everything I was going through, that's why I was seeking the group in the first place. Now I was supposed to not be shy and somehow find this meeting? That just ain't me.
When I looked lost someone asked if they could help me and I said AL Anon and they pointed down to another building down the parking lot.
I walked down there and the only door was locked. It was dark and raining and I was so ready to leave. Just then two other women walked up and said how so and so was running late again and can we get in and start setting up? We couldn't and sat outside and slowly other people came, one at a time, and then they opened the room.
I immediately sensed that several of the people knew each other well and were just happy to be there. And yet a few others were like me, there for the first time. It was a beginners meeting.
It didn't take long to realize I could speak as much or as little as I wanted to. I could just listen and not speak at all. I was welcome, and I was surrounded by people who knew what I was going through. People who knew what it was like, how it felt, and weren't necessarily handling it any better than I was. It was the frist time I felt I wasn't alone, and that I wanted to listen and learn more.
It is so worth it.