Back on day two
I did have a therapy appointment that went well...I think one issue to address is that of living in a place where costs have doubled in the past ten years, and wages have stayed stagnant. In changing people, places and things, this would give me more resources to work with. Obviously it's not a precondition, and I'll try my hardest not to drink here or anywhere...but it's hard, getting by, in this expensive city on a library job.
I guess, too, I'm just depressed, and often feel like a failure with talents that nobody wants, and that I am just somehow doomed. Or that I'm going to die, I get scared of that, in bed, at night...and I want to cry, yet can hardly ever.
I was doing OPK for a spell...now, this past week I had two times things fell apart, and I'm scared, and wish I had people to talk to. I'm trying to find a secular help line, where they don't just talk about that one approach I'm not supposed to say here, I think that would help. Some people to really talk to, that didn't wanna make me 'follow' any certain path, except stopping drinking, and we're open to many ideas and ways.
I have often felt judged in the past, which has then made me feel like even more of a failure, and then, the cycle gets harder to break.