Originally Posted by bumble
A second component in our inventory is discovering the roots of our addictions and codependencies. In most cases, this means we have to examine our childhoods. What needs were not met there? What negative experiences or messages about ourselves did we absorb in the dysfunctional family of origin? ...
Originally Posted by
Joe Nerv 
That sounds like an invitation to start blaming people for things... or equally as bad, view ourselves as victims.
I have to admit to some confusion here. I make no claim to be an authority, but don't we build resentments based on what another has done to us? Hence this part of the 4th step prayer?
“This is a sick man. How can I be helpful to him? God save me from being angry. Thy will be done.”
(p. 67 BB)
God help me to show this person the same tolerance, pity and
patience that I would Cheerfully grant a sick friend. This is a sick
person, how can I be helpful to him? God save me from being angry.
Thy will be done. (see above and p. 141 of 12&12)
True, we do often perceive harm done to us when it wasn't, but going to the other extreme of blaming ourselves for everything done to us doesn't seem that sound either.
Perhaps I didn't quite understand what you meant?