Welcome Elisha to what can be a great life in sobriety if you let it. I beat myself with pain for too long to get sober. Then came the day I was sick and tired of being sick and tired and totally surrendered to the fact I could not drink in safety. I needed to get honest with myself about my drinking first and remember how bad it had gotten. I needed to clear the foggy existence by going to many meetings and listening and then acting on what I heard, even not wanting to.
That was my start into recovery.
BE WELL