Hi habsfan, your description nails it for me.
That's my story and I drank exactly like you (and some others on this thread) - black out binge drinking alcoholic. No trouble staying off it for a while but get a few down and all bets are off. I wake up in strange places, run my mouth , do tragic, incomprehensible things and swear next time it'll be different.
Wandered into AA after one black out too many but had trouble identifying with the physically addicted, drink every day types. I've never been homeless, never been to prison and also i don't black out every time every time i drank which gave me the illusion of control.
For me it was an illusion and and 14 years later on i still don't fit some cookie cutter model of a park bench alike but my story isn't so different anymore - dead friends, lost jobs, general anxiety that slid into paralysing fear, pancreatitis, blackouts so shamefull i would do anything to roll back the clock on.
I've ticked off so many off the 'not yet's' I never thought I would - I love reading posts by drinkers with my brand of drinking. It helps me relate - thanks