Thank you all for your responses. I am not wanting to drink right now, I just am tired of being an alcoholic. I don't want what alcohol does to me, I would just like to be normal, if there is such a thing. I have come to terms that I am an alcoholic. I also have a bad heart and have come to terms with that. I wish my heart were normal too. I love that I can air a feeling and get such positive comments. You all rock. Thank you.