Just got done looking at Vacation spots in South America with family. I stopped as i started to get annoyed thinking about how I don't even know how to have a vacation in Mexico without a Pina Colada and tequila in my hand. I get jealous and for last 2 years kept thinking that I can become a normal functioning person that drinks on occasion. Then I wake up sick, cancel work, run to fridge for breakfast beer to start my day. I really don't want that cycle anymore. But sure wish I could do it.