You can't fix anyone but yourself, unfortunately.
If any of use could have "loved" our damaged person's problems away we would have and this forum would not be here.
In my case, I am what is called a "double winner" and I grew up with an alcoholic mother, my spouse has alcohol problems, and I am a recovered alcoholic myself.
I nearly destroyed myself trying to love and protect my mother for most of my life.
It did not work as I just never made it essential that she care for herself fully and deal with her own problems. In the jargon here, I was an "enabler".
I also grew up in abusive home and grind my teeth.
My husband couldn't "repair" the damage to me and instead became alcohol dependent himself dealing with my drinking and dyfunctional family trying to "help" me.
It was only when I sought help for myself on my own that I stopped drinking and got my emotional crap together about my family. He could not do that for me, and when he tried to be involved, it was harmful to us both.
My strong advice here is to let her work on healing herself and step back from trying to heal her yourself. Until she does that, she will not be able to be a healthy, happy member of a partnership. I was nearly forty five before I dealt with my issues and it took years--lucky for her, she could make a start much earlier.
I'm sorry both of you are dealing with this, but believe it or not, trying to save her will only drag you both down. She must find her own way.