smeep...so much of what you say sounds so much like me. as much as you are unhappy in the present situation, you are more afraid to leave and go out into the unknown. Like you said-the devil you know.I know that I have to leave for my daughter, but I am so afraid that either way I am going to F up her life. I guess you have to get to the point where you are desperate and at the end of your rope. I go through a hundred different emotions every single day. Starting with disgust when he sleeps till eleven every day while I get up with my daughter at 6:00. My birthday was last week and he asked me what I wanted. I told him all I wanted was to sleep anextra hour in the morning while he got up with our five month old daughter. Ya right. He works for his parents(who live right next door to us!) and talk about enablers! They complain to me all the time about his work ethic and yet they hand over a pay check every week. He gets to work at about noon and by three o'clock at the latest he's at the bar. And he's such a b!*ch in the morning that we can't go near him. He never sees our daughter for more than 5 minutes before work and by the time he gets home he's drunk and I rarely let him near her. An hour after he gets home, she's in bed. I get so angry at him that he has almost no contact with her, but maybe it's a blessing in disguise.He is so far in debt because of his drinking and his addiction to prescription drugs. For months he has been trying to get me to apply for pogey so he has more money to throw in the toilet. But my pride won't let me go there. I told him I applied and was denied. Anytime I get $ from my mom or from the government or anything, I have to hide it or he will expect me to hand it over to him.He's says it's for household expenses, but we have none. We are fortunate enough to live in a house his parents own. They pay the utilities. Our car payments and insurance are paid by the business. We buy groceries and pay for cable. He gets paid over 4 G's a month. If I'm lucky, I see about a hundred of that. And he wants me to hand over my money! I'm sorry.I'm going off on a huge blowout here. It's Friday night. I always get tense Friday night He is of course gone. Who knows when he will be back. But do you know what the worst part is? I'm the idiot for staying! I know he's an idiot, and I still stay!
Anyways, blow off steam here, smeep. Believe me, it helps. Even if it's just for a while!