sobercatholic

Not really! There is nothing wrong with making amends to someone right away if the opportunity presents itself. If, in early sobriety, I know that I had seriously harmed someone by my drinking, I'm supposed to wait until I "formally" get to Step 9? If this person sees me around, and is wounded from whatever I did to them, I am NOT supposed to make amends? Why does my participation in a 12 Step Program mean that I have to let their wound continue to fester and bring further harm just because I'm "supposed to" wait however long it takes for me to get to Step 9?

I can go to them and simply say, "I am sorry. I wronged you (in whatever manner) by my drinking. I am entering a 12 Step program where I am learning how to cope with things without drinking and how to make amends for my past and live better in the future. I am sorry for what I did. Can you accept this apology? We can talk about it later, again, after I have healed some more and am open to ways of making things better between us. But I just want you to know that for (whatever it was what) I did, I am sorry. I hope to eventually make things better."

Or something like that, anyway, the person at least knows that I am aware that I screwed them over, and I am trying to right things. It starts a healing process and lets them know that however imperfect the apology might be, it's a start without having to wait for some arbitrary timetable.

Nothing wrong with doing a little cleaning up of my side of the street from the get-go. It may be imperfect and haphazard, but so be it.

Yes, the Steps should be ideally worked in order. Always. But to me, putting off healing rifts and such because "I haven't gotten to that Step yet!" is a selfish act. It means (to me) that one prefers to let others remain harmed by my past.

Do we not start working Step 11 almost right away? Are not people in early recovery suggested that they start praying and meditating on a Higher Power, even if such meditations may only be reading the Big Book daily, and maybe AA's "Daily Reflections?" Are they told, "Oh, no! You can't start praying and meditating yet! That has to wait!!" Are they told that they can't recite the "Serenity Prayer" just yet, or the "Lord's Prayer?" What is that other than basic attempts at exercising Step 11?

Just my thinking, no one has to agree. If your way of practicing the Steps has worked for you, and whomever you might have sponsored, great!

We each do things somewhat differently.