Detachment With Love
Detachment WITH LOVE
~From Naranon literature
Detachment WITH LOVE is neither kind nor unkind. It does not imply judgement or condemnation of the person or situation from which we are detaching. Separating ourselves from the adverse effects of another person's addiction can be a means of detaching. It does not necessarily require physical separation. Detachment can help us look at our situation realistically and objectively, enabling us to make decisions based on facts and not just feelings.
We believe we have the family disease of addiction. Living with the effects of someone else's drug abuse and addiction becomes so devastating that most people cannot bare it without the help and support of others.
We are learning that nothing we say or do can cause or cure our loved one's addiction. We are not responsible for anyone else's disease or recovery.
Detachment WITH LOVE allows us to let go of our obsession with our loved one's behavior and begin to heal ourselves, so that we can lead happier and more manageable lives, with dignity and rights, guided by a Power greater than ourselves. We believe we can do this while continuing to love and care for our loved one - without liking their behavior or accepting the consequences of that behavior in our lives. We believe we can change ourselves, others we can only love.
In Nar-Anon we learn the we do not have to suffer as a result of someone else's actions, reactions or consequences. We do not have to permit ourselves to be used or abused by others. We no longer feel obligated to do for others what they can do for themselves. We learn that we harm ourselves and our loved one when we attempt to manipulate situations so others will behave as we see fit. We come to understand the covering for another's mistakes or misdeeds only contributes to the problem. We learn to neither cause nor prevent crises in the lives of our loved one, nor attempt to make better or worse the consequences of their actions.
By DETACHING WITH LOVE, we learn to focus on ourselves, our own ideas, emotions and attitudes. We understand we have a role to play in the situation we find ourselves experiencing, and we choose to focus on improving our role in the situation. As we do so, our well-being and our situation improves - for ALL involved.