Estevaun

I am a recovering alcoholic sober just over one year and lord only knows why today has been the biggest struggle for me i am having cravings so strong it feels like withdraw all over again, i text my friend and had her meet me at a local bar as i sat and waited for her in tears i contemplated ordering a beer or maybe a shot of tequila asking myself why, why now is this worth it? and all the while convincing myself that only a taste wouldn't hurt anyone but every part of me knowing better, feelings of hopelessness and worthlessness poured over me as i felt ashamed for even sitting on that bar stool lusting over something that assisted me in destroying my life and devouring most of the person i once was. it was then that i for no reason at all started praying that this urge for that deceitful poison would dissipate before i would give in to its calling and before i knew it my tears had dried and i realized that even though that evil was staring me in the face it was still my choice over who wins this war. i pulled myself together and started heading out the door when i heard the bartender call out hey! so i turned around and he said im proud of you stay strong! i thanked him for his kind world and left knowing that even though the crowd may be silent most of the game you still have a few out there rooting for you. so for me today was a battle but you have to remember to STAY STRONG AND NEVER STOP BELIEVING THAT YOU ARE WORTH MORE THAN YOUR ADDICTION!