Sounds like you are in a lot of pain. Anybody that is doing what you are doing is dealing with some serious issues. I don't think the drinking is the major problem but the reasons you are drinking. Sounds like you have a good family. Maybe you feel you don't deserve it and you are doing what you can to undermine it. There are some treatment centers that regulate cost depending on what the person can afford. You might want to look into that. Being away from your family might be tough, for you and your family, but it might be the best thing for you. Going to a treatment center means you can relax and focus on you. It might give you the tools to deal with the everyday problems in a more positive way. Removing yourself from your life will help you to see things differently. Go for it!