Originally Posted by
autan 
In an ideal world, I would take 12 months off and get myself right, but in reality I need to find a way to jump start my system besides drinking. Any suggestions, I have tried more coffee, I have tried exercise.
I need the old Autan back, I need the wit, the drive and enthusiasm. I need me to be me.
This is probably making no sense at all.
Your mind is struggling to find the endorphin activation it used to have. Exercise, coffee, etc, may have a similar effect, but probably not the same. I agree with everyone else: this is normal. I went through it myself and had a particular tough period between months two and four where I struggled to find the same type of motivation you're seeking.
Sometimes booze can create a superhero personality that juxtaposes against our "normal" self. That alone can make alcohol very enticing. That personality is artificially-created, but naturally re-created. In other words, you can become that "superhero" as a sober person. You just need to believe. That sounds hokey, but it's essentially true. It's a matter of perspective, attitude and giving yourself and your mind more time to dry out and have a clear head.