It just seems like sobriety, at times, is impossible. I have a little voice that says, "you know you are going to drink so just get it out of the way & drink". Some of my darkest days were when I was drinking a 12pack of beer and pint of vodka daily. I was really out of it and ended up in a psych ward for 2 months. I still feel like I did brain damage during that horrible time.