Hey all,
I did make it to my beginner's meeting tonight (thanks for asking Marty1). It has been about three years that I have been promising myself that If I could just get 5 days sober, I would go to my first meeting. Well I did it at 3 days thanks to encouragement from people on this board. It was a chip meeting and I went up and got a 24 hour chip. That is not something I did all those years ago when I was in AA the first time and had over a year and a half. It was a bit nerve racking since the meeting was not a speaker meeting, but a discussion meeting in which people addressed each other directly. I wasn't going to speak, but got called on and said a few words about my story and said I had three days. Most people had 30 or 60 days, but there was another there that had 5 so I was in the right place. It is hard right now for me to open up re my alcoholism face to face, so I did not stay afterward and I can't say I was comfortable during the meeting. I need to work on the staying after part next since need to make connections and try to find a sponsor. I do plan to go to that same meeting next week and now to find another one for tomorrow. The funny thing was that the worst part of the nervousness came after the meeting was over when I realized I left my coffee cup under my seat by accident. Felt bad about that since someone else has to pick it up. Odd what I worry about, eh! Will make an extra effort to clean up after myself next time.
Shadows321, thanks for the support. I can't say it is easy to go to a meeting by yourself without knowing anybody. But one or two people introduced themselves to me. Try to find a chip meeting and get that 24 hour chip since that will let everyone know you are new. Several people directed their comments to me after I did that and the feeling I got was that I had made a step in the right direction. I need some friends in the program and I know the only way that is going to happen is if I keep going. I still have all the financial worries and all the other %^&&*&(%$ going on in my head half the time and some worries about the damage I have done to my body, but I do feel accomplishment at this small step. God please give me another crack at a meeting!