So Confused
I just don't know which way is up. Even with what I've written about here, I still had that part of me that was hoping I was wrong. He's the last person anyone would guess had an alcohol problem. Honestly. But I can't deny it anymore. Just yesterday:
I smelled whiskey on him again.
I asked him how I should pay for dd13s pageant fee of $50. He didn't have an answer. When he does answer it's 'I don't know' He did have $100 in his pocket a few days ago and now he has $60. But he didn't f'ing know where we would get $50????? BTW, I have no idea where he got the money and he doesn't know I know. Yes I was snooping. We don't do much for our kids because money is tight. This is important to her. I take care of the finances, for the most part. Whole 'nother story
We have discovered that we can no longer count on him. It used to be that everyone could count on him. My son-in-laws truck is broke down and they wanted to see if they could borrow one of ours for the day. Normally not a problem. AH is working today. A couple of us have a commitment so I couldn't give up my car and taking her would mean picking her up much later than her shift. In the past I would just take AH to work and she would use my car. Then I would get him after he was done. Not this time. I couldn't believe it!
Those are just examples from yesterday. We don't see him drink or even tipsy, so it's been easy for me to think I was making a big deal out of nothing. Now that I have accepted for certain that this is a HUGE problem I'm not sure how to 'be' around him. He has no idea how obsessed I am with this problem and how big I think it is. Usually when we disagree about something, after a couple days I feel it isn't worth hurting our relationship over and I cave and make up with him first. I have a feeling that's what he's done with his alcoholism, which he denies. I have way too much information about alcoholism to let this go. I've read books, searched the internet, read here, been to al-anon and FAVOR (local group)
Do I continue to act like all is normal and ok? We are very affectionate. Lot's of 'I love you's' and kisses. Do I tell him what's going on in my mind? That I still think there's a problem? That I'm going to Al-anon?