My wake up call
i have known for some time that i am an alcoholic and that i am slowly on a collision course ... i havent had anything bad happen and i've tried to rationalize to myself why i deserve a drink or that i could moderate but now i am trying to just be honest with myself ...
fact: i can only stop drinking after 1 drink if the situation doesn't permit me to have more like if i am driving
fact: if i have to stop at 1, thoughts about when i can continue like after i get home rule my mind
fact: 2 bottles of wine is now do-able
fact: 1 bottle of wine 5 times a week will eventually kill you
fact: i've started to see changes in my drinking - increase tolerance, more craving / thinking about when i can drink next, seeing drinking as a reward i can give myself, more times when i just cant remember how the night ended, more desire to just stay home so i can drink more
i think i have gotten to the point that i can no longer rationalize that as ok or normal and frankly, i got really scared that i'm entering a new phase that will be short and painful and end really badly and i don't want that