I'm not trying to be heartless, but if I were you, I'd run for the hills while I had the chance. Many times while dealing with my own child that I love more than my own life, I thought that I wished I could just run far away & never look back. You can really do that !!! Be wise & really think about it !!! Go to the meetings & listen & learn. I'm sorry that it's like this with an addict, but it just is. You're asking for a world of hurt if you do stick around even though he's trying his best to push you away. I know that you may think you love him, but the person that you are dealing with is Not the real him, as long as he is under the influence. It's a nightmare way to live, so why would you choose it for yourself when you have an opportunity to be free & maybe meet someone later that will treat you well & love you like you deserve? I can't even fathom that after all that I've been through with my own child for the last 20 years. Just my humble opinion. I'm sorry.