Canada1 - it's okay to vent and get it all out! I think venting and getting it all out on here, actually helps to keep me from getting bitter sometimes. It's like once it's said or written, you can let go of a little bit. i've felt everyone of the emmotions you mentioned... Thank goodness I've found tools to help me understand and learn to forgive and let go. There are still days - like today ironically - where I just feel so much rage and anger that I just want to sit down and cry all day, and don't even know who I'm mad at. I have 2 children too, and some days I just look at their little faces and just think "I'm sorry, I am so so sorry for bringing you into this"... I have decided to leave my AH, and to be honest, they are the main reason. I just don't want this dysfunction to continue...I am doing the best to work on me, but if he wont do his part - there is only so much of the household peace I can control when he is here. I am in no way saying that is the best option for you - I have no idea if I'm doing the right thing or not. I just wanted to say that I hear you - loud and clear - and you are certainly not the only one who has had or who has those feelings.