Need advice
Hi team im new here i have suffered since the age of 5with anxiety and ocd which studies prove its a anxiety coping mechenism , since my first drink at 12 i loved it as it took away my anxiety, so now at 33 im a anxious alcoholic in recovery . I have suffered low self esteem and eating disorders most my life, now at 33 i compete in fitness competitions and keep as fit as possible just so i feel ok with myself , its so hard being so negative all the time . My partner hates this and threatens to kick me out of his house if i dont improve this self esteem issue , the reason is that i constantly ask him questions about my looks eg, have i gained weight , have i got wrinkles etc ,i drink because when i do i feel beautiful ,but im sure i dont look it being smashed out of my head ,yesterday he said if do this **** anymore i will be kicked out with my / his two children . Now im petrified as i dont work and i have been a mother of my two babies for 5 years, this self esteem thing is something that hasnt improved with counselling or self help counsellors , another thing is he says you wont survive in the big wide world and you will crawl back , etc. i feel so sad confused well atleast im sober , I feel scared for me and my children always being threatened to be kicked out I know it's my fault due to my issues