No need to be suicidal. What happened, happened and there's no changing it. It's in the past so don't worry too much about it.
Sounds like you've been through the wringer. I went through that way of life, if you can call it living, for many years.
Laying in bed going through the D. T.'s, the fear and anxiety. Then thinking how I was never going to drink again, only to go through the whole cycle again as soon as I felt better.
You can get sober again. Just remember how you've felt the last few days and remember you never have to feel that way again if you don't take that first drink.
Best to you.