not sure why i picked up that first drink after months of sobriety again.
it is however in the past right now.
today it's depression, anxiety, panic attacks and general suffering.
i can't say that i drank for days straight, but i certainly didn't take it easy this weekend.
even an amount of alcohol that would be a "joke" for me before, sent me way over the edge. another seizure and mild DT's sunday night and sweating like crazy, literally soaked in sweat tonight.
i've been trying to figure out what would cause me to behave this way well knowing the end result?
i had no unfortunate events or any major triggers... i felt great.
it is almost like a self-sabotage behavior, where i feel good for a quite a long time, and that's not me. i apparently need some misery in my life. just last week i was driving home from the gym full of joy and in a very upbeat mood. (thought to myself, that it's almost too to good to be true).
so i'm back again, my friends. please reassure me that i can do this again.
i'm losing faith.
and the depression is really making me almost suicidal. the thought had crossed my mind more than once.
