Your gut instincts (feelings) are telling you he is no good for you but your codependent thinking is trying to convince you otherwise……………….much like the drugs make his thoughts need them, want them live for them……………your thinking is similar.
Addiction and codependency are very much diseases of thought.
You have the opportunity to change your life around, change your thinking much like he has a choice to change his life and he chooses not to…………same with you, you can give in to your drug of choice – him and contact him and keep this ill-fated relationship going on his terms or you can chose FREEDOM from it all.
What’s the thought going on inside your mind telling you that by calling him it will make you feel alright and good? What does that look like to you?