Thank you ChrisMan for the Welcome! And thanks Wantneeda for your encouraging words about going back to AA. One of my greatest fears is that I would not be accepted in AA after going out 15 or so years ago. I seem to remember some members that did not like "retreads". I am definitely a retread. I know this is almost certainly baseless, but it is one of my fears nonetheless. I tell myself that I was pretty young and must not have been ready yet. I think a sign that I want sobriety is that I keep my Big Book next to my bed and have read it almost every sober night I have had for the past three years. Somethimes just the first three steps and sometimes whole chapters. I also got on my knees and prayed just before going to bed, which I have done in the past, but I thanked God for leading me to Soberrecovery this time. Last night I read Dr. Bob's and Bill D's stories again and thought to myself if Dr. Bob could do it after over 17 years of the vicious cycle, maybe I can too. Even if I have been hitting it heavily for the last 8 of the 15 years since going out, there might be hope for me. Another fear I have is that I might meet my ex sponsor in a meeting and I feel a lot of guilt for letting him down and fear he would be very angry. I do think I just need to listen at this stage. I have not taken a drink so far today and am trying the "one hour at a time" approach. I'll keep posting, cause that is the thing I am doing differently this time and that is something to hang onto. I'm in a lull with "work" after finishing a project for my client and am worried about the free time. I read somewhere here that it is important to keep busy. I do plan to help my daughter with her math homework tonight and that is something else that I will hang onto as a reason not to drink today. Sorry about the bit disjointed post, but organized is something I am not right now.
Thanks so much for welcoming me. It means more than I can say!